During my college years when the spring semester was over, I’d pack up my car and make the 3 hour drive back to Arkansas to spend the summer with my family. Everything I owned fit in my car; clothes, shoes, bedding, bathroom items, books, and decor. – All of it. Last night, as I drove to my mother’s house to spend my first of 26 nights, I remembered those days when my whole life fit in a car. I’ve spent the last 3 weeks selling nearly everything I own so I can marry my German on May 24th and move to Germany with him without spending my life savings to ship every picture and decorative item I ever thought was fancy enough to be in my home. I’ve sold things I thought nobody would buy. I’ve got a good chunk of change to show for all my hard work, and now my whole life could fit in about 2 cars but it’s still too much. I must get rid of even more.
I’ve always taken pride in the fact that I’m non-materialistic. I said things like, “‘Things don’t matter. People matter.” And I naively began selling my things with the belief that it would be easy. It wasn’t. I grieved over the loss of my lovely things; The antique lamp I found after months of searching for the perfect one… the wing back armchair I scoured the web and local antique stores for… and that old metal desk that has so much personality people couldn’t help but comment on when they saw it. The first week, I cried almost constantly, but I quickly adjusted and learned to let go. I had to. Three days ago I had a garage sale and was able to sell most of what I had left. As soon as the sale was over I felt such relief that now I’m practically begging people to take what’s left. I want it gone. I feel a little bit liberated now that I’ve severed the ties I had to my material possessions, and for the first time ever I believe I can say “Things don’t really matter” and truly mean it.
Thoughts of my German keep me going through all of this. I’ll be in his arms again in 21 days, 8 hours, and 39 minutes, and I’m about to go nuts with anticipation. I’ll miss my family and all my friends when I leave, but the hard truth is that I can live without them. I’ve done it before and I can do it again, but I can’t live without him.